Friday, July 27, 2012

The Sadist Within

And how was the new flogger?

Mmmmmmm, Absolutely WONDERFUL!  I’ve wanted a flogger that felt more comfortable in my hands for awhile now and this one feels great.  Strangely enough, it’s actually a finger flogger with beautifully rich, royal purple suede falls.  I’m finding I like the finger holds, as I’m no longer fussing with my grip.  The falls measure 18inches long, which, I delightfully discovered, offered a lot more possibilities then the 10inch long flogger I already had.  It has enough heft to it, that for the first time, I can actually feel it as it flies through the air.  I find this offers me more control and that makes me feel much more confident with it.  Though my arm muscles may need some time to adjust to it.

It is funny how such simple things can make a huge difference in the attitude you have with approaching different types of play.  The other flogger was simply too small, too light.  I could use it, but never felt entirely comfortable doing so.  The result was that I hardly pulled it out, even though I find flogging fascinating.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed myself… just that the uncomfortable feeling made it difficult to just immerse myself into it.  My new flogger, though, just felt YUMMY!  Within 5 minutes of twirling it around with his bare ass propped up as a target, I knew I was going to enjoy my new toy.  We only had enough time for a short session… so most of it was spent with me just experimenting.  Different swings, different holds, different intensities.  I still felt a bit clumsy and klutzy, but I didn’t feel frustrated anymore and it made ALL the difference. 

After a while, I found a couple of swings I was feeling very comfortable with and began increasing the intensity.  As the intensity climbed, I began noticing something entirely new to me.  I found my excitement growing, more so than ever before.  The harder I swung, the more excited I became.  The more excited I became, the harder I swung.  I even startled myself when I realized I was making noises of pleasure with each strike.  Admittedly… the whole realization even scared me a bit.  Maybe concerned me is a better statement.  The way the energies fed off each other within me, I could easily see where one could abandon the thought of control and just lose ones self in the sensations within.  It was enough to slow me down a bit.  It'll be interesting to find that climax someday, but yesterday was not that day.

It does make it clear enough for me, that there’s definitely a sadist within.  I always suspected it, was curious at exploring it, but my good nature has kept it under wraps.  I never doubted that I enjoyed administering pain, but the sexual reaction was revealing.  It's happened before during spankings, but I was never sure if it was the act of inflicting pain or simply just my feeding off his reactions.  But with the flogging, he was still, he was quiet.  In a sense, he wasn't there.  Just a target for my entertainment.  I think now it may be time to learn how to safely let her out to play.  Poor boy!

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