Blasts from the Past

LOL... I just realized it's been nearly two months since my last post.  I actually had a nice HOT story going of a wonderful play session with my boy and I.  I had made it 3/4 of the way through when I had to leave to perform the daily mommy shuttle services.  Sadly, I forgot to save it as I walked out the door and my computer was kind enough to remind me why that's an important thing to do.  Trying to recreated it was a huge bust!

That said, life has been sort of mulling along here for the last couple of months.  We haven't been able to enjoy ourselves nearly as much as we would like.  The ex is still doing quite a bit of traveling, so the kids have been here more often then not.   My boy has also been extra busy and stressed on the job over a nice, big contract that will likely roll into some wonderful referral opportunities for him... so being a supportive type, I've greatly eased up on him to give him the freedom to do this job in full OCD fashion.

Though our last kid free weekend, I had the most interesting phenomenon occur.   We were constantly being contacted by several past lovers that had been written off due to schedule conflicts/ new love interests in their lives.  I had a wonderful time reconnecting with DM over an afternoon sex fiesta.  While he is never out of the rolodex, it's been nearly a year since we've managed to synch schedules.  We also had a great time with another gentleman whom I had only had the pleasure of playing with once at a hotel party nearly 2 years ago.  We had try to set up a solo night with him about a month after the party which never managed to happen so we had completely lost touch with him.  Low and behold, he caught us on IM one evening so we threw caution to the wind and said WTF.   He ended up being a lot of fun one on one and got a kick out of the fact that I was killing time pegging my boy waiting for him to show up.  Last but not least, D has been knocking on the door again.  Apparently, things are over with his girlfriend and he is interested in started back up again.   He's taking a little issue with the idea that he has to wear a condom again, but it's been over 2 years since we've been anywhere near regular with him and I'm not one to take chances that way.  I'll admit, my fingers are crossed we may have luck getting things going again.

Of course AJ has been around a few times over the last couple of months.   He has really turned into a fun, stable lover for me.  The pup has been around too, though, as much as I have with him in the sack, I'm finding we just don't connect a whole lot anywhere else.

Cheap Self Promotion

So yeah... Usually I'm not one for shameless plugging (ok, my ego thinks I have no need to! ;)  BUT....

The Queen of Spades Blog is running there voting for QoS of the year and I think a little more wickedness would do it some good.  So if you enjoy my stories and writings, take a moment and go vote

http://queenofspadesdiaries.blogspot.com/?zx=56a3423025132a85

Kinky Christmas on Speed!

LOL  Yes, yes... I fell off the planet and right in the middle of my kinky Christmas rhyme.  At first, I was just too busy having fun to get it written down and then caught a nasty bug that had me laid up for almost a week.  Now that I'm feeling better and caught up at work... here's the kinky Christmas wrap up with some more details to follow as the words choose to flow

On the 5th day - work was a little hairy and our initial plans had to be canceled, so I settled for a nice little pegging of my boy.  A bit softer and sweeter then normal as the poor boy was feeling like a delicate flower that day... but still very satisfying.

On the 6th day - We met another new bull.  A nice gentleman who we had been chatting with for awhile.  While we had a good time with him, there was a definite difference in styles that made for a bit of a bumpy start... but we managed to come to a better understanding and enjoyed our time with him.

On the 7th day - I flogged and beat and pegged my boy till he passed out from exhaustion.  Sweet bliss!

On the 8th day - Mr. L. came for a visit!  YAY!!!  LOL  Let's just say it was even better then the first visit.  Of course, he'll be a little disappointed if this is all I write about his visit... so a little note for more to come.

On the 9th day - We took another break.  With big plans for New Year's Eve, I decided it would be prudent to get the house all in order.  So while my cuck caught up on laundry, dishes and the general house up keep... I worked on primping and prepping for a big New Year's eve night!

And Finally

New Year's Eve!  That, my friends, will just have to wait until I can write the stories to do the night justice... But yes, it was a HOT, SEXY, AMAZING time!

On The First Day of Christmas

 Usually, this time of year is full of kids, family, parties and travel for us.  Kink tends to take a back seat till closer to New Year's when things start to calm down again.  This year, as plans started to fall into place, I realized it would make everyone's life easier if we got our half of the celebrations out of the way early. In doing so, I've inadvertently strung 10 kid free, little to no work, and no where I have to be days together.   My boy and I have been stirring the hornets nest to see what trouble we can stir up... and it looks like it may turn out to be a fun filled week.  So in classical holiday tradition (I'm such a sucker for the holidays), I bring you the "The 10 days of Kinky Christmas".

On the first day of kinky christmas, I bring you a delightful interview I did with the Queen of Spades Diary.  A fun snapshot of how I got to where I am (including some lovely pictures).  In addition, there's a follow up with an illustrated version of a short writing piece I wrote early in my cuckold adventures.
 

The Birth of a Contemptuous Bitch

Back when we started, when he first asked if he could be my cuckold, I was pretty adamant that humiliation wasn’t something I’d ever be ok with.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around the notion of being able to treat someone you dearly love with such utter contentment.  I couldn’t see how I could respect a person who would let me do that to him. I mean, I was all about the equity crowd and the cuckolding alone was a bit of a curve, welcomed, but still a curve.

But then, almost from the start, it was kind of fun to put him in embarrassing positions in front of my lovers.  I still remember the first time.  Most of the guys we were playing with were still mostly straight, so we really hadn’t done any forced-bi.  We were also still a little green on our search process.  The gentlemen we had over that night was a great guy with a pretty nice cock… but just kinda lack the right umpf in the bedroom for me.  My cuck already knew this one wasn’t going to work out and had that sheepish look on his face.  I don’t know if it was my frustrations, or that apologetic look on my cucks face that set me off.  I crooked my finger at my cuck, a little push with my hand to bend him over the dresser and I proceeded to spank him while my guest kept right on fucking me.  The essence?  The bitch got punished for my lover being an average kind of lay.  And right in front of the guy to boot.  Now, no words were ever exchanged between my cuck and I that whole time.  But after my guest left for the night, my cuck bent down, kissed my feet and apologized for wasting my time.  I completely melted!

When the forced-bi came along, I realized how excited it made me to taunt my cuck while his mouth was wrapped around my lover’s cock.  Things like making him mumble how much he knew I was going to enjoy fucking it and how much bigger it was then his.  The first time I spit roasted him, I just gushed everywhere.  I think, even back then, I knew my sadism went beyond the physical… it’s just hard to admit to oneself that you really like being a meanie.  I still worried about whether I could respect him after shoving him down that way.  

I remember his reaction the first time I called him my little dick.  He melted into a delicious gooey mess.  I’m pretty sure there was even a tear in his eyes.  It made me swoon just a little.  I’ve dipped my toe a little deeper as we’ve moved along, but more recently, I find I’m getting much more accustomed to the water and really liking it.  Like those moments he gets that pained look in his eyes, it makes me rather lusty.  When he gets all small and vulnerable, all I want to do is tear him up.  When he pouts or whines… I get a little giddy.  I realized then, that yes, I found I actually respected him a little more.

Most of the lover’s I’ve had have not been able to really get in to humiliating my cuck this much.  They all find it hot to watch me kick him around a bit, but never really joined in.  A few would might hurl a couple insults a bit, a few more kinda got off on telling me what to say to him.  But we were struggling to find a good bulls who could really enjoy the entertainment, almost as much as I do.  

But with Mr. L., oh my, did we have fun!  With the others, I’ve always felt I had to hold back a bit to keep them from getting too uncomfortable.  Some men just can’t watch another man get decimated that way.  Mr. L. LOVED IT!  I think when he walked in and barked at my cuck, there’s was kind of a small sigh of relief that washed over me, that I kinda let loose on that sadist in me.  At times, I was a rather mean and vile at him.  To the point that when reflecting on it, I sort of shocked myself.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Not for one moment do I regret anything I said or did.  By shocked, I mean that I was shocked that something I was quite adamant about in the beginning of the relationship had been completely thrown out the window.  These days, I can be quite the bully... though I’m usually laughing the entire time I belittle the shit out of him.  

What I find so fascinating is just how turned on it really makes me.  Much like the physical aspects of sadism, the mental just turns my cranks far more than I ever expected.  I still worry a little, in the back of my mind, whether there’s still a point where the respect goes out the window.  But for now, I just love the man even more for not only putting up with my utter contempt at times, but actually adoring me for willing to be so cruel.   It’s still quite amazing how all this stuff really works out.

The Wanderings of a Sadistic Mind

I saw this post over on Dumb Domme and I licked my sadistic lips.  My mind leapt to dreamy thoughts of his head pinned beneath my foot while I ran this toy all over his ass.  I could just imagine the way his body would start writhing in pain.  I pictured his body tensing up as the pins touched his skin because his mind couldn’t help but dread what was next.  The quick intake of air, as he tries so hard to steel himself from the pain.  Even in my mind, I was anticipating that moment when those steeled nerves finally crack… and I swear I could feel myself get moist.

As I came back to reality and looked over at my boy, snoring so peacefully on the couch… and the fantasy came crashing down.  My boy would take one look at that thing and scream “HELL NO!  Hard Limit” .  See, he isn’t a masochist.  There’s no joy for him, when it comes to pain.  Not to say he doesn’t have a pretty good tolerance for the pain, or isn’t willing to take what I dish out.  It even speaks to his submissive nature at some base level.  But he will never get excited at the thought of being on the business in of my sadism.

As I wandered up stairs to delve into the fantasy even deeper, my mind took a quick left into the thoughts of what it might be like to actually play with a masochist.  Would the experience be all that much different than with my boy?  Do they actually get excited and turned on?  Is it more mental, or do they actually get an erection from it?  Do they scream and cry and fuss from the pain, or is it more moans of pleasure, or maybe a mixture of both?  Are they hot and horny and raring to go when it’s all said and done?  Or do they get soft and small like my boy does?

Another left turn and my mind wonders if I would even like that.  Admittedly, I derive some sick pleasure from my boy’s strong reactions.  I know if I hit him just so, he’s likely to try and rear up, cussing and growling in a way that makes me drool. I love the way his body tenses with the anticipation of the next strike.  I get a little moist from the hurt look in his eyes when I playfully smack him just a little too hard.  

Then somewhere the cheesy porn music starts in the back of my head and I start imagining a scene with some faceless backside that acts just like my boy, but stays rock hard through it all.

Then comes the AHA moment… I just want my boy’s cock to stay hard while I beat on him so I can smack that hard cock too.  Because I do know it would be far more enjoyable (not to mention easier) to smack the crap out of a hard cock then a soft one.

What’s a girl to do?

As the World Changes

It’s been a couple months since I’ve posted on here.  

Shortly after my last post, I received some rather distressing medical news that sent me reeling.  The kind of news that puts everything else in life, on hold.  All my life, my health had been something I just counted on.  So that day, in the Dr. office, the news sent me on a bit of a tailspin.  I felt perfectly fine and yet I wasn’t.  Treatments began, and I began to feel worse.  The brave face was put on, but life had shifted and I needed time to come to terms with it all.  But time was not on my side.  As the effects of the treatment worsen, I had to finally pull the plug and beg for another course of action.  Thank goodness I did.  As treatments shifted and a new process started, the diagnoses got worse and surgery became the necessary outlet.  With less than a week’s warning, I was under the knife for the first time in my life.

As I sit here recovering, I realize I’m still coming to terms with all that has happened in a short amount of time I’ve had to processes it all.  While the prognosis is positive that life will eventually return to normal, my recovery and post op treatments will likely take well into the New Year to complete.  In the grand scheme of life, this is really a short amount of time; it still feels like an eternity for someone who’s never had to deal with life altering restrictions.

My boy has handled it all with the love and grace I fully expected from him.  He has been a wonderful life line, nurse maid, strong shoulder, errand boy, distraction, entertainment and everything else I’ve needed from him.  He has even managed to be as flexible as possible to feed me pieces of himself when I was capable of taking it.  

It really is the thought that counts

The day before had been one of those days where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.  How I managed to survive it was nothing short of a miracle, but everyone was finally home and in one piece.   I ended up taking the day off just to deal with the fallout and to let myself properly deal with the stresses.  

 I was up at the butt crack of dawn to get the kids to school, and on my way home I began the debate of whether or not to crawl back into bed and hide from the world.  Nothing bad ever happens in bed! Upon arriving home, I noticed my boy’s car still in the drive way.  So instead of heading straight for bed, I decided to peek out in the garage and spend a little quality time with him before he ran off.  

Much to my surprise, I found my boy standing bare ass naked, spread eagle, with hands on the workbench.  After further inspection, I discovered a chair full of impact toys next to him.  His sheepish face began to smile when I finally turned my face back at him.  Try as I might, I just couldn’t hide the grin forming on my face either.  I regained my composure, but the silliness had already crept it’s way in

“What’s all THIS about?” I ask, waving my hand around, in a voice as sternly as I could muster.

“I needed to cum, Mama”, he mumbled really quick, “and you had such a bad day yesterday, I thought you might enjoy taking your frustrations out on me”

Did you catch that?  Yeah, that first part.  That “I need to cum” part.  You did? Me too.

It’s moments like these I have to giggle at the thought process that runs through my head.  I actually think to myself… “Yeah a proper Domme would probably get mad that he tried so hard to disguise a plea to cum with a cover like being so thoughtful about my bad day.  She’d probably get so upset that he would be so bold and not let him cum at all. Then she’d probably beat him so hard that he’d never dare that one again.  Mmmmm beat him so hard.  I sure could use the outlet that giving him a beating would afford me.  I am so stressed and tense, and it’s such a nice release of aggression for me. Yes, me want beatings.”

My hand had absently wandered down his back and began molesting his butt cheek.  

“But should I let him cum?  It really was such a cheeky move on his part.  He could have done a better job of hiding the fact he was sneaking his own agenda in this whole equation. “

I sneak my hand between his legs, teasing his ass along the way, till I’ve gotten a good grip on his cock and balls.  I begin teasing him about his need to cum.

“But I do enjoy teasing him to death, and he takes beatings so much better when he’s riled up.  Plus its so fun to watch the way he gets so spastic when he cums after so much teasing.  It makes me giggle.  Giggling makes me feel better.  Beatings make me feel better.  Oh, fuck the proper Domme shit…I’m gonna have me some FUN!!!  Wheeeee!”

So I proceeded to beat him, tease him, talk dirty to him, even (to his surprise) threw in some ass play to cap it all off with.  And he came.  He came hard.  So hard I giggled.  And I walked away feeling relaxed, calm, ready to face the tidal wave of the day I was about to have to have.  

This is why I know my boy was made for me.  Any books, stories or threads I read always seems to deal with sexual denial, sexual control (along with all the other stuff).  I don’t want any of that.  I want sexual abandonment.  I would let him cum 5 times a day, if he was capable and we had that kind of time.  He understands this.  He knows, it’s a pretty safe bet, that if he initiates play or sex of some kind, I’m going to happily go along (and very quickly take over!).  So when it comes to times like this, I’m not inclined to get upset, but it’s not that I don’t care nor that I’m timid to correct him… simply that’s it’s ultimately what I want anyway, so I’m not getting worked up over it.  I don’t see it as a brat trying to get his way, but instead a loving submissive who knows this is exactly what kind of poke I needed right then.  One that led to a playful little scene I could relax into and work out my aggressions.  A scene my mind couldn’t slow down for long enough to even imagine, let alone plan.  But I scene I dreadfully needed in the state I was in.  He gets it.