Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Birth of a Contemptuous Bitch

Back when we started, when he first asked if he could be my cuckold, I was pretty adamant that humiliation wasn’t something I’d ever be ok with.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around the notion of being able to treat someone you dearly love with such utter contentment.  I couldn’t see how I could respect a person who would let me do that to him. I mean, I was all about the equity crowd and the cuckolding alone was a bit of a curve, welcomed, but still a curve.

But then, almost from the start, it was kind of fun to put him in embarrassing positions in front of my lovers.  I still remember the first time.  Most of the guys we were playing with were still mostly straight, so we really hadn’t done any forced-bi.  We were also still a little green on our search process.  The gentlemen we had over that night was a great guy with a pretty nice cock… but just kinda lack the right umpf in the bedroom for me.  My cuck already knew this one wasn’t going to work out and had that sheepish look on his face.  I don’t know if it was my frustrations, or that apologetic look on my cucks face that set me off.  I crooked my finger at my cuck, a little push with my hand to bend him over the dresser and I proceeded to spank him while my guest kept right on fucking me.  The essence?  The bitch got punished for my lover being an average kind of lay.  And right in front of the guy to boot.  Now, no words were ever exchanged between my cuck and I that whole time.  But after my guest left for the night, my cuck bent down, kissed my feet and apologized for wasting my time.  I completely melted!

When the forced-bi came along, I realized how excited it made me to taunt my cuck while his mouth was wrapped around my lover’s cock.  Things like making him mumble how much he knew I was going to enjoy fucking it and how much bigger it was then his.  The first time I spit roasted him, I just gushed everywhere.  I think, even back then, I knew my sadism went beyond the physical… it’s just hard to admit to oneself that you really like being a meanie.  I still worried about whether I could respect him after shoving him down that way.  

I remember his reaction the first time I called him my little dick.  He melted into a delicious gooey mess.  I’m pretty sure there was even a tear in his eyes.  It made me swoon just a little.  I’ve dipped my toe a little deeper as we’ve moved along, but more recently, I find I’m getting much more accustomed to the water and really liking it.  Like those moments he gets that pained look in his eyes, it makes me rather lusty.  When he gets all small and vulnerable, all I want to do is tear him up.  When he pouts or whines… I get a little giddy.  I realized then, that yes, I found I actually respected him a little more.

Most of the lover’s I’ve had have not been able to really get in to humiliating my cuck this much.  They all find it hot to watch me kick him around a bit, but never really joined in.  A few would might hurl a couple insults a bit, a few more kinda got off on telling me what to say to him.  But we were struggling to find a good bulls who could really enjoy the entertainment, almost as much as I do.  
But with Mr. L., oh my, did we have fun!  With the others, I’ve always felt I had to hold back a bit to keep them from getting too uncomfortable.  Some men just can’t watch another man get decimated that way.  Mr. L. LOVED IT!  I think when he walked in and barked at my cuck, there’s was kind of a small sigh of relief that washed over me, that I kinda let loose on that sadist in me.  At times, I was a rather mean and vile at him.  To the point that when reflecting on it, I sort of shocked myself.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Not for one moment do I regret anything I said or did.  By shocked, I mean that I was shocked that something I was quite adamant about in the beginning of the relationship had been completely thrown out the window.  These days, I can be quite the bully... though I’m usually laughing the entire time I belittle the shit out of him.  

What I find so fascinating is just how turned on it really makes me.  Much like the physical aspects of sadism, the mental just turns my cranks far more than I ever expected.  I still worry a little, in the back of my mind, whether there’s still a point where the respect goes out the window.  But for now, I just love the man even more for not only putting up with my utter contempt at times, but actually adoring me for willing to be so cruel.   It’s still quite amazing how all this stuff really works out.


  1. Wow!! That's hot as can be!!! Keep up the good work. the world needs more real women like you.

  2. Great blog! And I really enjoyed your perspective on humiliation in cuckoldry. I have had a hard time with that in the past because it felt "wrong" to me at first. When I finally came to realize that my husband really enjoys it, I started slow and it just built from there. Now it's about how mean and insensitive I can get with my comments. Along with denial of sex, it's a great part of our play. Looking forward to reading your blog, loved your profile on our Queen of Spades Diaries site.
    xoxo Jessi

  3. Thank you! Yes, it's been a very interesting exploration into something that I never really expected to work for me. But sometimes just realizing why you find it so "wrong" can sometimes show you another side you never imagined. It's still an interesting concept to get used to... the meaner I get, the more the boy loves me!