Sunday, February 12, 2012

So where have we been for the last few months?

  To be honesty, we sort of took a break from the D/s side of things.  We had a lot of changes going on in the year and a half we’ve been together and somewhere in there, a misstep was taken.  Things were getting more and more frustrating for both of us and that resulted in a bit too much pushing and pulling.  I could see things spiraling in the wrong direction, but was at a loss as how to right the ship again.  So after a long discussion, where it became apparent we weren’t even on the same page anymore, I called a halt to it. After a few months of reflecting, it really boiled down to both of us failing at balancing everything that was pulling us in opposite directions.  During those times when work got hectic and/or the kids were here, we weren’t doing a very good job at maintaining the undertones of the D/s dynamic that made it easier to enjoy our free time.  Erratic schedules made it hard to plan anything, leaving me frustrated and feeling ignored.  Long durations of no play or enforcement, left his submission tucked neatly in some drawer.
Don’t get me wrong, we would have moments; wonderful moments where the world would synch together perfectly and we’d have an evening that left us longing for more.  Plus at the core, the relationship itself was sound.  There was too much good between us to let something like a power struggle ruin it.  But I just felt like the D/s was all pretend, and on his terms… which just smacked me hard as not something I wanted to be a part of.
We left the kink in.  THAT we are good at.  Scenes between us are just HOT and yummy.  Why on earth should we stop that?  Plus part of me thought what if maybe that’s enough.  Just bedroom games, that got really kinky and wild all over the house.  Did we really need the 24/7 D/s?  But I left one caveat; it was up to him to initiate sex or play. 
What first shocked me was how quickly the frequency of play took a quick dive.  Almost like he didn’t know how to ask, or maybe couldn’t.  He wasn’t like that when we first met.  While it wasn’t outright asking, he sure knew how to tease me just right… if he was looking for something.  Once in awhile, I wouldn’t take the bait, just to keep him on his toes.  But it never stopped him from trying and I found that soo cute.   But when it was actually up to him, it was almost like it all completely lost it’s luster.
The sex took longer to dwindle off.  Though probably more so because my sex drive always kept that humming a bit.  It was hard not to pounce him once in awhile.  But it began to feel like something was missing and I noticed my drive dwindling too. 
And then it happened.  One morning I woke up a bit ticked off.  he had woken up earlier and had already wandered downstairs.  I was horny and he was gone, and that just kinda struck a bad cord with me.  As I came downstairs, he looked at me and said “I miss having a submissive”
I just stopped and looked at him and fired back, “Yeah?  Me Too!”  I saw that flash of recognition in his eye and knew he knew exactly what I meant.
But he replied back “I miss morning BJs”
To which he got another “Me Too!” from me.  He dropped the whole conversation right there.  It hung there for a couple of weeks.  You could feel a slight change of energy.  Then came the talk.  He wanted it back, and I admitted I did to.  But I knew we still have things to work on, figure out.  So we are trying to figure a few things out .  We’ve decided to give chastity (via device) another try and we still need to sit and talk about some other issues.  So I’m trying to decide if I should just grab the bull by the horn and take it back, or maybe should we just ease into it again and build a solid foundation.  My head says go slowly, but that damn devil side is screaming to just go take it…. DO IT NOW!
Wonder which one ends up winning out.

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