Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Brat...

Not to sell my boy down the river as some awful selfish boy that I’m just a fool to stay with.  He really is a sweet, thoughtful man, who even at his worst, bends over backwards to make sure we are well taken care of.  But he is a switch, whose dominant tendencies have a habit of coming out at some of the most inconvenient times.  He is also, in many ways, a bit childish in his playfulness… that often leads him to going too far.  These are not traits I want to quash out of him, as they are an integral part of the man I fell in love with.  Keeping them in check is in part the responsibility I took on back when I agreed to lead.

Being a new Domme, left me a bit short on the tricks of the trade side of things.  Early on, we were both very aware of this, and he stayed on his best behavior as a way of helping me along.  Commitments were simpler at the time and exploring D/s and BDSM was really our priority.  Of course, there were still moments, but easily controllable given the focus it got.

After we bought our home and moved in, our focus shifted into more of a domestic/vanilla mode.  The D/s was there, but became more of something we were turning on and off, instead of the steady hum we had going before.  It left us both feeling off and resulting in us both pushing and pulling each other in the wrong way.  His form of pushing happens to be a bit bratty and bullish.  But instead of reacting in anger, I went into ignore mode.  See, I’m actually a pretty passive person.  Passive in the sense, that I don’t throw the first punch, I don’t talk much smack (well, outside of a football field that is), and I find the best and ultimate way to deflate someone is to simply turn heels and walk away, ignoring their futile attempts to draw you back in.  Now I have no problem standing up for myself.  But there’s a strange confidence that comes from knowing you are stronger then every woman you’ve ever met and nearly a third of the men I come across. Since most verbal arguments lead to either someone walking away, or a physical confrontation… I find it simple to walk away early, since I already know chances are good I’d win the physical.  I’m also one of those that doesn’t put much stock into what other people perceive me as.  Nasty rumors are easily squashed by staying true to me and charming the pants off of those around me. 

The ying and yang of how we were dealing with this left us heading in opposite directions.  I found taking the break that we did, very beneficial to noticing our patterns, realizing what was going on, but still at a loss at how to get us back on track.  Our talk on Saturday was productive in that I finally was able to articulate what was going wrong in a way he could finally understand.  Once we could both agree on the major issues, it wasn’t too difficult to plan a way to get us past this and back on track.  There is compromise on both parts, as I feel there should always be when dealing with relationship issues.  Things have been very sweet and perfect for the last couple of days, and while I know there are plenty of bumps still ahead, I feel more confident about heading things off at the pass and keeping us on the right track.  Admittedly, it feels really good to be back in the driver’s seat.

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