On-line Mind Fuck

This is an excerpt for a few month long conversation with the Pain Toy.  This part lasted 2 days.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Him:  :( hopefully you have came a bunch of times bc you are mean to ballsacks when you haven't! That 15 strokes then flick thing was sadistic as fuck!

Me:  Sadly.. no, the frustrations growing. Torturing my boy is about all the relief I've really gotten in nearly 2 weeks!!! ARRRGGGGHHHH!   LOL Child's play sweetie... child's play! ;)

Him:  Omg !

That was the worst yet , I felt like my nuts had been put on a table and tenderized like a piece of raw meat. And you just kept pushing me and taunting me!!

Me:  But they're fine now... aren't they?  Just be glad it wasn't me doing the tenderizing!

Him:  Yeah I think so. I'm just not sure nuts were meant to take that kind of punishment!  I'm not sure if I would ever pull my sack out with you in the same room!!

Me:  It's not about what they were meant for, simply what they are capable of taking.  And you and I both know, if I had you in the same room with me, you do whatever I asked!  Now pull them balls out bitch!

Him:  Help!!

That is probably true. Ok it is true.  I hope you added the last part for effect.

Me:  Do I ever?

Him:  No :(

They are out but please no flicking I'm begging

Me:  Such a scaredy cat.  Was just going to have you massage them and tell them you're sorry.

Him:  Is it unreasonable for me to get scared after you tell me to pull them balls out bitch?  Ok I will massage them and say sorry lol

Me:  In ALL our conversations, how many times have I actually made you hurt those sweet balls?

Him:  Good point.  Maybe it was just how you said pull them out.  I can't help but get scared! In person I'd be shaking like a leaf!

Me:  LOL... Of course you are, it's the anticipation of knowing something IS coming and the unsettling thought of the fact you have NO idea what it is.  

By the way.. I think you need to find a little piece a rope (like boot size shoe string). I feel a picture moment coming soon!

Him:  Does that mean a longer shoestring?

Ps you are scaring me again!!!

Me:  Or something similar.

And only time will tell if the fear is justified... as it won't happen today.  It's football day and kick off is here.

Guess you just have to sit with the fear.  Bwahahaha

Him:  Ok.

You love doing that to me!  I just bought a new pair of winter boots and they have extra laces but I was hoping to not have to ruin them. But I know that doing pictures for you is more important than me having good shoelaces.

-Hours later-

Him:  The fear is following me all day today!!

Me:  Delicious!  And doubtful you would ruin it.

Him:  Just tell me how bad it will be please?

Me:  Nope.. nor will I tell you when!

But if you keep asking... we can go back to the ball flicking. Do you need to whip em back out and have a conversation with them?

Him:  Wagghhhh!!   No please I'll stop asking I was just wondering...

Me:  Good boy!

Him:  Thank you.  I will be here worrying about it if you need me :(

Me:  Considering I'm getting my ass spanked in fantasy football... you may want to rethink that offer.  So how's the little penis doing?

Him:  … im doing horribly.

What do you mean the little penis?

Him:  I hope you start winning bc you get cranky when you lose!! Lol  And apparently you just mock my penis size when you're cranky! :(

Me:  LOL... Nah, I really wanted to know how it's doing. I mocked it cause I can! :)~

Him:  It's deflated in fear of the bootlace pic.  You do kind of have unfettered license to mock my junk and abuse it as you deem necessary.

Me:  Awwww.. Poor thing! We'll have to work on that before the pic.  And I do.. don't I? ;)

Him:  I'm full of cum too but on edge and you are taunting me and messing with me!

Him:  You do and you know it and I am starting to believe that when you said ten flicks and my first pic were just the tip of the iceberg that you weren't just joking to scare me...you were telling the truth to scare me!

And I'm scared!

Me:  See how beautifully simple and devilishly complex that is!  And the boot lace pic could turn out to be completely benign, but it still wouldn't change the fun I had! ;)

Him:  So now my mind is your newest target!?  I guess it makes sense to start with the balls and move to the mind.   And I know it won't be some harmless bootlace pic...you even specified for extra length even though you say my dick is small!!

Me:  The mind is ALWAYS the target.  The balls were simply one possible doorway in.  But if you really think about it.. it started long before you ever did the first flick. It's what made you do the first flick. It's not like I tied you down and flick it myself.  I simply convinced you to do it yourself.

Me:  Hahaha.. If you think so.  Maybe it’ll just be a pretty little knots for something nice to look at... or maybe a game of hang man!  Maybe I haven't even decided yet.

Him:  Well now you have my brain tied around my nutsack. I felt so lame counting strokes to 15 then flicking a nut.  And I agree with your analysis I'm just scared of what you will convince me to do to myself next!!!

Him:  Omfgggg please don't play hangman with my junk!!

Me:  So why did it make you feel lame?

Me:  LOL... And why not, you don't even know what it is!

Him:  Just because how I would get scared at like stroke ten and was dreading it but still doing it. The counting part was just degrading. I seriously had to count aloud because it was easier but ended up being humiliating.
I'm guessing your version of hangman is more about hurting my junk than working on word skills. Just a hunch!

Me:  Or it could be both... Painfully working on word skills.  But safe to say... whatever it is, I'll find it delicious!

By the way, do you know how to tie a noose?

Him:  Omggg please be nice. I just had to do like 4x the prior high in nut flicking like less than a week ago.  Please don't make me literally choke my chicken!!

No I don't know how to tie a noose. This is a serious mindfuck!

Him:  Is there anyway I can get out of this? Pushups, licking up precum, some combination of the two?

Me:  You don't even know what it is, and yet you're still desperate to get out of it. Tsk! Tsk!  Though you do give me such wonderful ideas!

Him:  I'm sorry! It is just that my mind can't think of one harmless thing you'd have me find a long shoelace for!!

Omg they weren't ideas! Just examples to show my desperation to avoid tying up my junk until it turns purple!!!

Him:  Can I have a safeword please!???

Me:  You know what your safe word is... I explained it long ago. The door is always open and I've never forced or demanded that you ever reach out. You do that of your own free will.  But you keep coming back. You always come back. Deep down, you know I'd never truly harm...just bruise every once in a while.

But I repeat... you still don't even know what it is.

Him:  Oh I agree with that I can't help it! I am definitely hooked on your personality; how you treat me and the way in which you make me do things. I meant more like a task switch I'm allowed to use like once every 90 days.

Him:  Ok I don't know what it is but my mind is assuming the worst!

Me:  It's far past my bed time.  I must head off to dreams of nooses, pictures, hangman and bootlaces.

But no.. you don't get a free pass. That's cheating.  Though begging is always allowed. You simply have to find the right way to beg that speaks to my sweet side! ;)

Him:  You're making me whimper.  Sleep well.  I will try to figure out the proper begging techniques!

Digital Play Toy

I'm not shy about saying I'm not a fan of on-line play.  It's far too limited, just not personal enough, and there's no touch.  I love touch!  Not  having it is just blah to me.  But I learned long ago, never say never.. and now I have take back the whole "I don't do On-line Play" mantra

I have an on-line pain toy.

There I said it.  It's still far too limited, not personal enough and there's no touch.  It's not something I can see me looking for or even wanting.  This?  This just sort of happened. He had reached out sometime back within my first year into BDSM.  A pretty simple message and a polite reply turned into a slow moving conversations of one liners, short stories and brief notes that went on for 2 years.  Occasionally he'd ask a question that would turn into more indepth conversations... but for the most part, it's a pretty shallow relationship.  I don't know his name, I don't really know what he does for a living, I don't know what his hobbies are, I've never seen his face.  What I do know is he's a submissive man who is tentatively exploring this side of himself.  He's still a little confused about what it is he likes and why he likes it... but he's learning.  He's a pain slut, who dreads the thought of pain, hates the feeling of pain, yet craves it deeply. 

So one has to wonder, how or why did something so simple and silly morph into.. well, what ever it is you'd call it.  I won't let him call me his mistress, or domme, or anything like that.  I don't want the responsibility, so I simply refuse to take authority.  He messages me when he wants, I reply when I want.  All I ever do is torture him... there's no loving sweetness, no commitments, no promises.  I exert no more control then the little bits I demand in conversation... and even then, we both are well aware I can't really make him do anything.  It's pure obedience based.  I say, he does.  That's basically it.

 It's a playful indulgence.  It's a wicked playful indulgence.  So he's been named my digital pain toy.

Breaking it down

Breaking… honestly, not my favorite term as it sparks images of the military form of “breaking”.  But I can say I notice two distinct states that my boy gets in when we let loose in play. 

The first is what I consider his “subspace”.  It’s kind of a dreamy, semi-detached (or fully detached) state that I equate more to the endorphins rush.  His resistance to what I’m doing diminishes greatly and allows me to take the intensity to a level he normally can’t handle.  Harder hits, longer teases, rougher peggings, etc.  But as soon as play stops, he comes back around to his normal self.

The second is what I would equate to what I think BDSM people refer to as “breaking”.  There are times when we play, that what I say, what I do seems to reach him at such a deeper level that it causes almost a hyper focus on me.  In those moments he will not just take what I’m dishing out, he will literally beg me to do these things.  Things like his soft limits, hard limits and everything else just disappear.  All that’s left is me and my desires, my will.  It’s in these moments I find he is so open that I can create small shifts in his thought process and desires.  

I don’t have to “DO” anything afterwards to put him back together though.   The normal reassurances and aftercare seem to suffice to allow him to pick himself up.  If I do nothing more, he operates at a higher level of devotion then the norm for a couple of days, but will slowly revert back to his “normal” state.  On the other hand, I find that after a play session that gets that intense is the perfect time to make a shift in the way we operate.  He’s more susceptible to accepting a new rule, considering “alternatives”, or changing routines.   I often wonder if we had the time to “create” these moments more often, if I could utterly recondition him entirely.  Of course, the other questions is if I would even want to.  But for now, it's just nice to sit with the possibilities.

4th of July Trifecta of Fireworks

There’s something about the holidays that always seems to bring the boys out of the woodwork.   I should be used to it by now, expecting it almost… but it still does catch me by surprise, albeit a pleasant one.

We had met an awesome new stud on Tuesday night, and between him and raping my boy… the night didn’t end till 4 am.  By the time we had made it home from work, the exhaustion was in full force.  We ended up crashed out on the couch by 8pm.  When we woke the next morning, play was the last thing on our minds.  The day had been ear marked to finally wrap up some house projects that had been largely ignored… at least until the first text arrive.

It was 6am when it came in.  My sub had intercepted the text and upon seeing who it was, tried hard to be sneaky about it in order to surprise me… but somehow his inspiration to clean house at the crack of dawn made him suspect.  When he started trying to nudge me towards the showers, it was pretty evident that I had a guest on the way and I enjoyed calling him on the carpet for the pretense.  When a few pinches and playful swats on the rump was all I could muster in mocked frustration, I allowed him the anonymity of who the guest was and gleefully skipped off to the shower.

As I emerged, the house was cleaned and ready to go.  As I headed downstairs to wait on our guest, I heard a knock at the door and turned the corner in time to see DM walking in.  I felt my knees get a little weak at the thought of his 11” cock and superb cock smithing skills.  Of course it didn’t stop me from bounding down the steps and right into his arms.   Since he’s not one who’s into some of our more extreme kinky measures, we hadn’t hooked up for several months.  But as we sat on the couch, I realized I had missed his cock a LOT!  Unable to stand it so close and yet so far away… I shut down the conversation, dragged his ass to the bed room (cuck dutifully following behind) and nearly ripped his clothes off just to get a good look at the beautiful specimen.   

For the next hour and a half, that man reminded me why his number will NEVER leave my rolodex.  DM is my longest standing stud.  We met him about six months after my cuck and I began our cuckolding journey.  At 11”, his is the first and only cock I’ve ever actually feared… just a little.  He has a way of fucking me just right, that leaves me both trying to crawl away and begging for more at the same time.  His skills in the bed never fail to leave me as a well fucked, puddle of goo.  Since his kinky meter stops at rough sex… it’s always a good thing there’s never any doubt for my cuck that I had a great time.

After DM left, I grabbed a quick shower to rinse off.  Apparently, while in the shower, a text from D came in.  Another favorite of mine that we hadn’t had a chance to play with for some time.  After starting a new job whose schedule doesn’t work so well with ours, I had kind of given up on seeing him again.  But an accidental run in at a gas station with my cuck had renewed his resolve to “make” some time.   Once again, my cuck went on the stealth in order to give me a nice surprise… but his dilemma was how to keep me occupied well enough that I wouldn’t start bitching about the house repairs.  Like the good little boy he is.. he offered up the only thing he knew he could… his sweet little ass.   Already feeling a bit primal from the morning’s activities, I quickly pounced and in no time was happily lost in strap-on nirvana.  It wasn’t until I heard the “DAMNNNNN” from the doorway that I realized someone had come in.  My startle respond caused me to spin around so fast that my cuck squealed due to the sudden void I left behind.  But I just giggled as I sauntered slowly over to D to give him a nice view before getting my hello hug.  I don’t know why, but something about the sight of me in my strap-on seems to rev D to another gear.    He finds something sexy about the way I fuck my boy.   By the time I dragged him into the room and freed his cock… it didn’t need much coaching to spring to full life.  Still I enjoyed the stretched feeling as I wrapped my lips around his massively thick cock.  For the next hour and a half, I freely enjoyed myself with D’s cock and my boy’s humiliation.

Once D finally left, I put my foot down to any more play time and we got busy getting the house projects taken care of.  As with any project, there are points in time where you have to wait for things to dry.  As such, we had a good hour or two before we could continue and so we settled on the couch to wait.  Then came more texts.  This was a new gentleman that we hadn’t played with yet.  We had attempted a few times to meet up, but either us or him had to cancel everytime.  He was available that afternoon and wanted to know if we were interested.  As my cuck looked at me, waiting for my answer, I stared at the unfinished projects contemplating.  

I’m pretty sure it was my pussy that answered when I said “Fuck it” and told my boy to set it up!  I knew we had a dry spell coming soon, so I might as well enjoy myself while the pickings are good!  All I can say is that it was the best fireworks display I had ever been a part of.

Bath Time

He stood there dutifully, with hand extended for assistance.  Grabbing hold of it, I stepped up on the platform and then eased myself into the swirling, hot water of the tub.  Once I let go of him, he hurried off quickly only to return within moments, drink and snack in hand. 

“Is there anything else you require Momma?”  he asked, as he laid everything out by the edge of the tub.

“Not now boy, I think I’m all set” I replied as I settled back into the tub to soak the long week away.  He scurried off to finish prepping the room for the guests later that evening.  I closed my eyes tub to tune him out and sunk deeper into tub, focusing on the bubbling heat surrounding my tired, achy muscles.  

After a while, the heat finally getting to me, I slid up to sit on the edge of the tub.  As I nibbled on my snack, I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him engrossed in whatever task he was into.  His facial expressions betraying the seriousness with which he approached it all just warmed me that much more.  I find nothing sexier than knowing my complete pleasure means so much to him.

As my body cooled off enough to take another dunk, I ordered him over to clean me up.  He quickly finished up the task at hand, snatched up rag and soap, and crossed over to the tub.  It only took a moment for him to size up the situation and slide into the tub facing me.  Placing a foot upon his chest, he began to slowly rub the wash cloth gently up and down my leg.  Leaning back and closing my eyes, I got lost in the sensual sensations of the cloth light rubbing up and down my leg, the hot water wrapping around my leg and then rapidly cooling off.  I could feel every ounce of tension just dripping away with the water.

As he finished up the legs, I dipped my feet in the water and playfully teased his cock for a minute before turning around so my back was facing him.  Without any urging, he began washing my back, venturing up my neck and even behind my ears.  I found myself so caught up in the sensations I almost didn’t realize when he was done.  A little pressure on my shoulder woke me from my zen place and I leaned back into him so he could reach the front.  

The skin to skin contact sent us both to lala land.  He nibbled on my neck while he lazily washed my front.  I’d playfully pinch his thigh when he paid too much attention to the breasts.  I rubbed on his legs, wiggled my ass into his cock.  The playful interactions continued for far longer than needed, but no where near as long as wanted.  But guests were on their way… so I suddenly sat up, spun around and planted a deep, loving kiss on his lips.  As we broke.. I leaned back the other way and simply stated…

 

“Get out of my tub.”