Saturday, August 10, 2013

Breaking it down

Breaking… honestly, not my favorite term as it sparks images of the military form of “breaking”.  But I can say I notice two distinct states that my boy gets in when we let loose in play. 
The first is what I consider his “subspace”.  It’s kind of a dreamy, semi-detached (or fully detached) state that I equate more to the endorphins rush.  His resistance to what I’m doing diminishes greatly and allows me to take the intensity to a level he normally can’t handle.  Harder hits, longer teases, rougher peggings, etc.  But as soon as play stops, he comes back around to his normal self.

The second is what I would equate to what I think BDSM people refer to as “breaking”.  There are times when we play, that what I say, what I do seems to reach him at such a deeper level that it causes almost a hyper focus on me.  In those moments he will not just take what I’m dishing out, he will literally beg me to do these things.  Things like his soft limits, hard limits and everything else just disappear.  All that’s left is me and my desires, my will.  It’s in these moments I find he is so open that I can create small shifts in his thought process and desires.  

I don’t have to “DO” anything afterwards to put him back together though.   The normal reassurances and aftercare seem to suffice to allow him to pick himself up.  If I do nothing more, he operates at a higher level of devotion then the norm for a couple of days, but will slowly revert back to his “normal” state.  On the other hand, I find that after a play session that gets that intense is the perfect time to make a shift in the way we operate.  He’s more susceptible to accepting a new rule, considering “alternatives”, or changing routines.   I often wonder if we had the time to “create” these moments more often, if I could utterly recondition him entirely.  Of course, the other questions is if I would even want to.  But for now, it's just nice to sit with the possibilities.

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