Difficulties

When I started this blog, it was with the intent of cataloging and sharing my adventures in learning to become a Dominant.  Though a bit over a year into flexing my muscles, I still feel so new and so raw at it.  What really surprised me a bit, was how tough of a time I have had changing the mentalities I’ve lived with all my life.  

Why the surprise?  

Well, I’ve always been naturally dominant in my day to day life.  I’m not a bossy, pushy or even outspoken type, but all my life people have naturally turned to me for leadership, guidance, training and wisdom.   I’ve never had the hang ups that so many women I know do, which is that life isn’t worth living without a man taking care of you.  From a very early age, men were simply a source of entertainment, fun, and companionship.  As far as aggressiveness?  I’m pretty sure that’s what the A in my middle name stood for.  My entire childhood was spent playing with the big boys and I never for a second doubted my ability to keep up.  Sexually, I was a pretty adventurous soul and while not everything turns me on, I’m open minded enough to hear it all without judgment.  I mean I didn’t even baulk when my boy started telling me about his kinks.  I mean when I think about it, I’m almost surprised I didn’t find my way here sooner.

So what was so difficult?

OMG, EVERYTHING!  Ok, not everything, but it did surprise me how many socially ingrained taboos I really did have.  Things like equality and fairness made it hard to simply order him around.  My “take it as it comes” attitude still causes issues with planning things out to avoid conflicts.  My independent nature and do it myself attitude caused him much concern early on.  

The kinks themselves were easy, fun actually.  Most everything I had already played around with in some form or another.  Taking charge in the bedroom happened almost instantly and as I explored and learned.. it has expanded quite nicely.  But actually taking the control out of the bedroom has been an interesting and sometimes very frustrating challenge that can leave me wondering if this is all worth it.  But yet, somehow I wake up each morning wanting to continue and so we do!