Breaking it down

Breaking… honestly, not my favorite term as it sparks images of the military form of “breaking”.  But I can say I notice two distinct states that my boy gets in when we let loose in play. 

The first is what I consider his “subspace”.  It’s kind of a dreamy, semi-detached (or fully detached) state that I equate more to the endorphins rush.  His resistance to what I’m doing diminishes greatly and allows me to take the intensity to a level he normally can’t handle.  Harder hits, longer teases, rougher peggings, etc.  But as soon as play stops, he comes back around to his normal self.

The second is what I would equate to what I think BDSM people refer to as “breaking”.  There are times when we play, that what I say, what I do seems to reach him at such a deeper level that it causes almost a hyper focus on me.  In those moments he will not just take what I’m dishing out, he will literally beg me to do these things.  Things like his soft limits, hard limits and everything else just disappear.  All that’s left is me and my desires, my will.  It’s in these moments I find he is so open that I can create small shifts in his thought process and desires.  

I don’t have to “DO” anything afterwards to put him back together though.   The normal reassurances and aftercare seem to suffice to allow him to pick himself up.  If I do nothing more, he operates at a higher level of devotion then the norm for a couple of days, but will slowly revert back to his “normal” state.  On the other hand, I find that after a play session that gets that intense is the perfect time to make a shift in the way we operate.  He’s more susceptible to accepting a new rule, considering “alternatives”, or changing routines.   I often wonder if we had the time to “create” these moments more often, if I could utterly recondition him entirely.  Of course, the other questions is if I would even want to.  But for now, it's just nice to sit with the possibilities.

4th of July Trifecta of Fireworks

There’s something about the holidays that always seems to bring the boys out of the woodwork.   I should be used to it by now, expecting it almost… but it still does catch me by surprise, albeit a pleasant one.

We had met an awesome new stud on Tuesday night, and between him and raping my boy… the night didn’t end till 4 am.  By the time we had made it home from work, the exhaustion was in full force.  We ended up crashed out on the couch by 8pm.  When we woke the next morning, play was the last thing on our minds.  The day had been ear marked to finally wrap up some house projects that had been largely ignored… at least until the first text arrive.

It was 6am when it came in.  My sub had intercepted the text and upon seeing who it was, tried hard to be sneaky about it in order to surprise me… but somehow his inspiration to clean house at the crack of dawn made him suspect.  When he started trying to nudge me towards the showers, it was pretty evident that I had a guest on the way and I enjoyed calling him on the carpet for the pretense.  When a few pinches and playful swats on the rump was all I could muster in mocked frustration, I allowed him the anonymity of who the guest was and gleefully skipped off to the shower.

As I emerged, the house was cleaned and ready to go.  As I headed downstairs to wait on our guest, I heard a knock at the door and turned the corner in time to see DM walking in.  I felt my knees get a little weak at the thought of his 11” cock and superb cock smithing skills.  Of course it didn’t stop me from bounding down the steps and right into his arms.   Since he’s not one who’s into some of our more extreme kinky measures, we hadn’t hooked up for several months.  But as we sat on the couch, I realized I had missed his cock a LOT!  Unable to stand it so close and yet so far away… I shut down the conversation, dragged his ass to the bed room (cuck dutifully following behind) and nearly ripped his clothes off just to get a good look at the beautiful specimen.   

For the next hour and a half, that man reminded me why his number will NEVER leave my rolodex.  DM is my longest standing stud.  We met him about six months after my cuck and I began our cuckolding journey.  At 11”, his is the first and only cock I’ve ever actually feared… just a little.  He has a way of fucking me just right, that leaves me both trying to crawl away and begging for more at the same time.  His skills in the bed never fail to leave me as a well fucked, puddle of goo.  Since his kinky meter stops at rough sex… it’s always a good thing there’s never any doubt for my cuck that I had a great time.

After DM left, I grabbed a quick shower to rinse off.  Apparently, while in the shower, a text from D came in.  Another favorite of mine that we hadn’t had a chance to play with for some time.  After starting a new job whose schedule doesn’t work so well with ours, I had kind of given up on seeing him again.  But an accidental run in at a gas station with my cuck had renewed his resolve to “make” some time.   Once again, my cuck went on the stealth in order to give me a nice surprise… but his dilemma was how to keep me occupied well enough that I wouldn’t start bitching about the house repairs.  Like the good little boy he is.. he offered up the only thing he knew he could… his sweet little ass.   Already feeling a bit primal from the morning’s activities, I quickly pounced and in no time was happily lost in strap-on nirvana.  It wasn’t until I heard the “DAMNNNNN” from the doorway that I realized someone had come in.  My startle respond caused me to spin around so fast that my cuck squealed due to the sudden void I left behind.  But I just giggled as I sauntered slowly over to D to give him a nice view before getting my hello hug.  I don’t know why, but something about the sight of me in my strap-on seems to rev D to another gear.    He finds something sexy about the way I fuck my boy.   By the time I dragged him into the room and freed his cock… it didn’t need much coaching to spring to full life.  Still I enjoyed the stretched feeling as I wrapped my lips around his massively thick cock.  For the next hour and a half, I freely enjoyed myself with D’s cock and my boy’s humiliation.

Once D finally left, I put my foot down to any more play time and we got busy getting the house projects taken care of.  As with any project, there are points in time where you have to wait for things to dry.  As such, we had a good hour or two before we could continue and so we settled on the couch to wait.  Then came more texts.  This was a new gentleman that we hadn’t played with yet.  We had attempted a few times to meet up, but either us or him had to cancel everytime.  He was available that afternoon and wanted to know if we were interested.  As my cuck looked at me, waiting for my answer, I stared at the unfinished projects contemplating.  

I’m pretty sure it was my pussy that answered when I said “Fuck it” and told my boy to set it up!  I knew we had a dry spell coming soon, so I might as well enjoy myself while the pickings are good!  All I can say is that it was the best fireworks display I had ever been a part of.

Bath Time

He stood there dutifully, with hand extended for assistance.  Grabbing hold of it, I stepped up on the platform and then eased myself into the swirling, hot water of the tub.  Once I let go of him, he hurried off quickly only to return within moments, drink and snack in hand. 

“Is there anything else you require Momma?”  he asked, as he laid everything out by the edge of the tub.

“Not now boy, I think I’m all set” I replied as I settled back into the tub to soak the long week away.  He scurried off to finish prepping the room for the guests later that evening.  I closed my eyes tub to tune him out and sunk deeper into tub, focusing on the bubbling heat surrounding my tired, achy muscles.  

After a while, the heat finally getting to me, I slid up to sit on the edge of the tub.  As I nibbled on my snack, I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him engrossed in whatever task he was into.  His facial expressions betraying the seriousness with which he approached it all just warmed me that much more.  I find nothing sexier than knowing my complete pleasure means so much to him.

As my body cooled off enough to take another dunk, I ordered him over to clean me up.  He quickly finished up the task at hand, snatched up rag and soap, and crossed over to the tub.  It only took a moment for him to size up the situation and slide into the tub facing me.  Placing a foot upon his chest, he began to slowly rub the wash cloth gently up and down my leg.  Leaning back and closing my eyes, I got lost in the sensual sensations of the cloth light rubbing up and down my leg, the hot water wrapping around my leg and then rapidly cooling off.  I could feel every ounce of tension just dripping away with the water.

As he finished up the legs, I dipped my feet in the water and playfully teased his cock for a minute before turning around so my back was facing him.  Without any urging, he began washing my back, venturing up my neck and even behind my ears.  I found myself so caught up in the sensations I almost didn’t realize when he was done.  A little pressure on my shoulder woke me from my zen place and I leaned back into him so he could reach the front.  

The skin to skin contact sent us both to lala land.  He nibbled on my neck while he lazily washed my front.  I’d playfully pinch his thigh when he paid too much attention to the breasts.  I rubbed on his legs, wiggled my ass into his cock.  The playful interactions continued for far longer than needed, but no where near as long as wanted.  But guests were on their way… so I suddenly sat up, spun around and planted a deep, loving kiss on his lips.  As we broke.. I leaned back the other way and simply stated…

 

“Get out of my tub.”

Where's the Vanilla?

Often times on FetLife, there’s questions that pop up that I struggle to answer.  It’s all those questions that talk about “kink versus Vanilla” or “D/s versus Vanilla”.   I look at life with my boy and have no clue how to define what’s kink and what’s vanilla.   I don’t mean from a this is D/s and that’s Vanilla.. what I’m getting at is what makes something D/s and what makes it vanilla.

I mean, just take yesterday for example.  We have some DIY projects that were far over due and with my mother coming to town, I laid down the law that all these projects would be done before her arrival.  That would be D/s, right?  But it’s a simple painting job.  Isn’t that vanilla?  What if I further explained that, in order to get the job done, he choose to hire outside help.  I mean he made that decision, not me… but he still made that decision in order to accomplish my overall intend of getting the jobs completed before my mother’s arrival… so was that D/s or was that vanilla?

So now I sit here, on the couch, with three men running around my house getting all the work done I want done.  Pretty vanilla, right?  But what if I threw in the curve ball that one of the men working today is also one of my lovers?  That he knows what we both look like naked.  He’s seen my boy in some rather compromising positions.  Does it change anything if I told you he took the job that was in my line of sight and is currently shirtless while he paints?  What if I told you we shot sexual innuendos back and forth the whole time he painted?

What if I told you that all three of them would come get me to give the nod of approval every time a big task was completed?  I mean my boy was the one managing the job, assigning out the tasks, looking over their shoulder and checking their work… but they still felt compelled to seek my approval too?

So when I look at my life as a whole, I don’t know how to pull the two apart.  I’m not sure it even makes sense to try.  I used to see vanilla as the things we did to get by in society as a whole.  Things like grocery shopping, cooking dinner, running the kids to soccer practice.  Kink was the sexy play things we did, like flogging, bondage, cbt, cuckolding, etc.  D/s was the intent placed behind things.  So when I told him to do something, it was D/s… when he did something to just please me, it was vanilla.  But after 3 years of living together… it all feels like D/s to me.  Outside of work, his default mode is to make me happy.  Whether I ask him, or he simply does.. in his mind and mine, he does it to keep me happy.  

But we’ve even gone so far as to interlace kink throughout our lives.  Is watching TV kinky?  Most would say no.  But if we’re watching TV while he’s naked and I’m dressed and he’s rubbing my feet… is that kinky or vanilla?  And could someone please tell me where the line between Vanilla sex and kinky sex actually is?  If we’re missionary style for a nice quicky.. that’s vanilla, right?  But what if I give him directions on how fast or slow or certain movements… does that make it kinky?  But yet.. I used to do that with vanilla boyfriends too.  I mean how else were they going to know what I liked and didn’t like?  I still do it with my lovers while my boy is standing right there.  Does it change because my lovers view the statements as guidance and not commands?  But yet they both seem to do as I say.

So I have to wonder.. is there really any benefit to actually separating them out?  Or is this something of an exercise geared more for the part timers than those of us who live it 24/7?

I'm not dead... YET!

I bet you thought this blog was dead.. didn’t you?  Yeah, me too! LOL

So where have I been?  I been here, still dealing with a crazy busy life and having as much fun as I can squeeze in!  Unfortunately, a slightly busier than normal schedule and a HUGE case of writers block meant every post I started to write never managed to get finished.  I have about 8 stories half written and a handful of topics started, but for some reason the endings just haven’t been coming.  I was struggling so much, I actually contemplated shutting it all down.  

But I realized I’d miss it.  It’s a fun outlet for me and while my comments on the blog are negligible… I’ve gotten some fun interaction in my inbox from it.  So I’m going to try and buckle down this week and see if I can wrap up a few of these old posts and get a bit more regular in posting again.  But as always… I make no promises!