Complete Surrender

You stand in the doorway, with a look of apprehension.  That hint of worry about whether you can physically make it through.  A bit of annoyance in the fact that I would even ask this of you in your current state.  That hesitant reluctance in the way you shift in the doorway.  I just smile that knowing grin.  He won’t even remember why he was being so childish in 5mins anyway.

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You kneel before me, your face contorted with emotions of shock, desire, fear, lust, confusion and clarity.  I love these moments when I have you so twisted up that even your face can’t help but respond.  My mind just reels with all the possibilities and yet all I do is stare.  I wonder if you can read me like I do you.  Do you see the depths of depravity I have planned for you?

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The pain from your desperation twists your face in such a beautifully and yet ugly way.  Your voice speaks from the edge of tears.  I feel your body pushing to get what it wants, what it needs, what it would die for.  There’s a tug at the heart strings.  That small piece of me that wants to wrap you up and protect you.  Yet, those same tears pull out a piece of me that just laughs at the touching thoughts and continues to torture you anyway.

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The quiet soldier like bearing you wear as I begin my assault on you.  It screams out in the silence, like a challenge, to make you make noise.  You stiffen and hold fast, getting lost in your mind to avoid the pain.  But then you wiggle, that first wiggle that lets me know I’m crossing the threshold.  The wall begins to crumble and it quickly falls way.  That’s when I feel most like you are mine.  No walls, no safe guards, nothing left for you but me.  Nothing left for me but the sheer raw side of you.  Pure honesty.

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The body goes limp, the tears flow freely now.  The resistance is gone, completely.  I enjoy the full surrender.  Knowing your so lost deep inside yourself, I feel free.  Nothing left to fight, nothing left to break.  Just a pile of nothing beneath me.

And I let go

The Sadist Within

And how was the new flogger?

Mmmmmmm, Absolutely WONDERFUL!  I’ve wanted a flogger that felt more comfortable in my hands for awhile now and this one feels great.  Strangely enough, it’s actually a finger flogger with beautifully rich, royal purple suede falls.  I’m finding I like the finger holds, as I’m no longer fussing with my grip.  The falls measure 18inches long, which, I delightfully discovered, offered a lot more possibilities then the 10inch long flogger I already had.  It has enough heft to it, that for the first time, I can actually feel it as it flies through the air.  I find this offers me more control and that makes me feel much more confident with it.  Though my arm muscles may need some time to adjust to it.

It is funny how such simple things can make a huge difference in the attitude you have with approaching different types of play.  The other flogger was simply too small, too light.  I could use it, but never felt entirely comfortable doing so.  The result was that I hardly pulled it out, even though I find flogging fascinating.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed myself… just that the uncomfortable feeling made it difficult to just immerse myself into it.  My new flogger, though, just felt YUMMY!  Within 5 minutes of twirling it around with his bare ass propped up as a target, I knew I was going to enjoy my new toy.  We only had enough time for a short session… so most of it was spent with me just experimenting.  Different swings, different holds, different intensities.  I still felt a bit clumsy and klutzy, but I didn’t feel frustrated anymore and it made ALL the difference. 

After a while, I found a couple of swings I was feeling very comfortable with and began increasing the intensity.  As the intensity climbed, I began noticing something entirely new to me.  I found my excitement growing, more so than ever before.  The harder I swung, the more excited I became.  The more excited I became, the harder I swung.  I even startled myself when I realized I was making noises of pleasure with each strike.  Admittedly… the whole realization even scared me a bit.  Maybe concerned me is a better statement.  The way the energies fed off each other within me, I could easily see where one could abandon the thought of control and just lose ones self in the sensations within.  It was enough to slow me down a bit.  It'll be interesting to find that climax someday, but yesterday was not that day.

It does make it clear enough for me, that there’s definitely a sadist within.  I always suspected it, was curious at exploring it, but my good nature has kept it under wraps.  I never doubted that I enjoyed administering pain, but the sexual reaction was revealing.  It's happened before during spankings, but I was never sure if it was the act of inflicting pain or simply just my feeding off his reactions.  But with the flogging, he was still, he was quiet.  In a sense, he wasn't there.  Just a target for my entertainment.  I think now it may be time to learn how to safely let her out to play.  Poor boy!

Read My Mind

As I walked thru the door, you look up from your game.

“Your home early”, you say.

“Yes, and bearing gifts”, I reply as a pull a brand new flogger out of my bag.  A rich, royal purple suede.

“Hmm” is all you say as you get back to finishing your game.  I set the flogger down on the desk as I head off to go change.  We settle in on the couch, chat about the day and watch a little TV.  It doesn’t take long for the teasing to start.  A little poking and tickling, and I end up on top of you with a fist full of hair.    

“You would make a nice little target for my new flogger” I coo right before I start to kiss you deeply.  But soon, I climb off and settle back down on my side of the couch. You curl up next to me and we finish watching the show.  

As the show finishes up, you get up off the couch and start to undress.  I can’t help but start to taunt you with my bad impressions of cheesy stripper music.  

“Not much of a show for me”, I complain once the clothes are all off.  Your only response is to wiggle your ass at me, grab the flogger off the desk and scamper up the stairs.  

I smile to myself as I collect my drink and slowly follow you up.  I do so love it when you read my mind!

Simmering

The last two weeks have been a bit quiet.  I honestly think we we’re both in a bit of recovery.  Not that there was no play.  We had a nice visit from D, and couple of fun play session and last night, and a return visit of G, which was quite enjoyable.  The rest of the time was spent

The dynamic has simmering nicely through the lull, which has been wonderful.  It’s interesting, to me at least, as I play more and more, to see how he reacts to things.  Being new to these dynamics, I have to admit, it’s been sort of like a game discovering each little button.  Do this and he gets horny, do that and he gets cuddly.  Do this and he gets compliant, do that and he gets playful. You get the idea.   I think it’s something I’ve always noticed in people, but never gave it much thought.  But in this relationship, this dynamic… these buttons have far more meaning.  I find myself paying closer attention, experimenting, poking new ones out here and there.  Like a mad scientist determined to solve the puzzle.  Or maybe more like the child in her back yard, investigating life.  Watching how the pieces fit together.  Manipulating environments to see how nature would react.  Basic utter curiosity.  Either way, I quickly found myself fascinated by the inner workings of him.  Of what makes him tick.  Obviously the list is enormous and very complex… I’m sure it would take a life time to encounter them all and I have no doubt I'll enjoy the journey.

But after two years, the catalog is big enough that I found I can start manipulating outcomes.  Nothing drastic or severe, just little changes to fit my mood.  Sure I can just demand what I want, and I often do.  I never doubt that he will comply, even if he does so grudgingly.  This is just much more entertaining and I do think it may be part of what’s kept the dynamic simmering so much better this time.   It just helps keep us from getting too mundane… which also drive me batty.

You're NOT a Domme

Ugghh… I get annoyed when I often see comments regarding a particular act as being submissive in nature and therefore Dommes shouldn’t do that.  For some reason it’s been popping up a lot lately again.  So a fun little quiz for everyone…

Imagine the scenario, I’m pegging my boy, but he is on top.  He controls the speed, rhythm and penetration.  But it’s still me penetrating him.  Knowing just how I like it, but not being told to… my boy rides me to not one… not two… but three huge orgasms.  Mine, not his.  But after my third he is so close he begs to cum and I let him.  All over my chest. 

Who’s the Dominant?   Who’s the submissive?  

I was the bottom, he was the top.

I was the penetrator, he was the penetrated.

He had control, I simply received the sensations.

My pleasure came first, his came second (and by command I may add).

In the end, who really cares?!?!?!  

If I actually worried about how acts were perceived, I doubt I would have had one orgasm… my brain would be on overload.

Would it change the answer if I were to say that was a small snippet of playtime on my birthday to where my boy completely surrendered his body for my use, abuse and pleasure? 

How ridiculous is this debate anyway?

Bad Domme

I did it again...

I broke my toy! 

Bad, Bad Domme!

Not really… he’ll be fine.  But his body feels like someone pummeled him from the inside (Ok, Ok… I know I did that, though he did beg for every last minute of it)

I think the only solution is to ensure he is used much more often so his body can build up a tolerance to me.

Being a Domme is such hard work!